Finally... its all over

After enduring two and a half year of pain and silence, its all over now ^^v

Thinking it back, it started on 2009.. where I am only a waiting list peoples.. waiting to be recruited by either UBD or ITB.. But luckily, ITB had select me to be part of a group.. Business Accounting..

I could not believe myself for able to enter the University... I cry silently.. thanking god for allowing me to pursue my dream although all my friends may look down upon me...

I could not believe that I am at the same University with my beloved cousin ^^ Haji Khairul Dini :) both of us had been in terrible pain because of what had been happen n 2010.. and thank god... he had calmed me to think wisely.. every advices he gave, I took it without a doubt.. I really don't care of what people may think about him, as long as our Nawaitu Hati remain unchanged and stick to the right path.. its all that matter most..

Spending two and a half years with my colleagues, has a lot of memorable experience that I will surely treasure most... thankfully, there is no serious conflict occur amongst ourselves.. and that is what I wish to see... For me, I rather be in silence and cherish the moment in silence... call me a hermit crab if you want to.. it's just.. I guess..I always get the feeling that I wasn't needed here... Still, all of them are the most energetic and strong will peoples I've ever seen in my life :)

In the second part of 2010, surely I'll miss my attachment place :s it really teach me everything related to the real life situation and 'real' communication within the government.. Audit and Taxation... the part where most of the accountants feel hard to absorb (only Audit part)... all the assessment formulae really aid me to do the calculation a bit faster as usual and enable me to think out of the box ^^v I really in debt to my old attachment place for teaching me the value of learning and experience :))

The Final Semester... just listening to this really make anyone goosebump... it's the final semester where pain and conflict may arise :/ However, I am fortunate to have Asymawi, Qawiem, Rozainah, Hafidah and Nabilah to be my team mates :) for the past two or three month of togetherness, we face every stage by teamwork and delegation of work :) it's really fun and apart from that, all of us do really learn the procedures in making a business plan :) the day of the presentation itself is a 'firework'or should I say, AWESOME ^^, all of them are doing their work and mine, had a stage fright issue at the end of the presentation - my apologies guys :S

Still, all of us are happy to be ranked as no 6 based upon the criteria judged by the 'honorable' external assessor... yeah right.... Still I'm dissatisfied with one of the external assessor :/

*chuckle* since when do I use emoticons to describe how I feel...

It happen when I meet a lady known as Fazrin :) Honesty, Modesty, Sincerity and Beauty are all the values I can see from her :) the way she smile is enough to make me forgetting the past and proceed to the future ^^
Seriously, she is my saviour in my time of need.. and.. I don't want to lose her... I just don't want to be turned into heartless and  a loner anymore...

hmph... that's all for now...

maybe it is not to late for me to say..... it is finally a FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  from two and half years
v^.^v

Feeling sad and alone plus anger

Lalalala Soo Stresssful is in the house....

Anger comes with a devilish intention.... can't let the voices clouding my judgement...

Lalalalalalalalalalala..... Silence is the golden weapon of all... nobody what am I thinking of, whining of, or care of...

I care my cousins whom become my pillar, my love whom motivate me and friends to accompany me...

Just for today... Let the Golden Silent enforced...

on 8th July 2011, it's the most memorable experience for me :

not only it's an invitation by someone - let it be unknown :), but it's the marvelous sight i've ever seen :)

many weaponaries, cars and especially aircraft has flew and shows dazzling performance that enough to shock the first timer like me :)

congratulation on everyone whom participate on Bridex occasion and you too :) thanks for inviting and showing me all the way of the Bridex exhibition :)

but, i think, for the future improvement.. It's better for the parents to brought earphones for their babies :) the sonic soundwaves can hurt the lil one hearing abilities in the future and this kinda make me sad...

Seriously... Its good to let the kids to dream high for the future.. But nevertheless.. Don't forget about their safety...

In the amidst of it, i surely can't take my eyes from you :p
all the noises and disturbances.. Still never changing how i feel :)

look @ the time :) its curfew already....

Who is she? All i can say and do is just smile :)))

summarization of May, June and July...

it's been a while i'm leaving this blog to pursue achievement in exam... Almost how many month did i miss.. How many month do i hold everything back...

Time and time and time and time.... Sweet like a nectar but rotten as devil... Its undeniable the journey i had... Somehow lift me up, and at the same time.. Tossed me down...

The exam is over and Alhamdulilah... Proceed to the next semester...

To be honest, before the result coming out... I've already had an premonition... Of what will happen on the next day... Thank You Allah.. For answering my pray... Giving me an insight of what will happen... I'm truly and forever be your slave for eternity...

After the result had been released, I had been struck long lasting fever... Unknown where it comes, strike me without warning and make me less active in facebook and twitter... But i'm gladly accepting it as part of my journey...

23rd and 24th June of 2011... It's the most memorable experience for me.. I take part as an ajk for ITB Youth Outreach Programme @ kem ibadah... Lots of things i do really learned from it and never thought that... Refreshment sacrifice a lot of energy to cater everyone needs :) it totally fun for me and lots of unforgetable memories emerge as... I took part of it... Totally priceless...

In the verge of july, I've admit... I might hard to understand as my point might upsy turvy @ upside down @ shallow and etc... Serious chains of comments... Make me really wonder... Do i really need to be part of everything? I just do not know what had happen... Until stupidity strike...

Kekurangan ku kelebihan mu, kekurangan mu kelebihan ku

i simply grow tired of everything... Maybe its better for me to be excommunicating with others ... Maybe its beter this way....

Time is ticking and the holiday is declining as words has been
put to this blog... Its a getaway @ remedy for a loner like me... :)

sadness...

sadness always be part of me
never ever be break the chains that
I wish to leave

I will just sail away
as it
is my time to leave
rainy days
are yours to keep

end

21 is a curse

Every 21... spell a disastrous effect on me... That day... She asked for a break up... Lots of things has occur a lot... I has try my best... to avoid contacting that connected with her... still why... the pain is there? why I destined to be tortured like this? Happiness... just a set up to hide fear... within my childish act...there lies terrible sadness I hide...

at the end lonliness always get the best of me... thus losing trust... forever trust in love...

Junior Masterchef Australia

When I'm bored during CNY, *Gong Xi Fa Cai to all my chinese friend*, I watch a channel from astro that shows that even kids can make a differ in cooking... Only one particular contestant captivate my eyes =)

Her name is Saffiyah, 12 years old girl (?). To me, honestly, I'll never treat her as a juvenile anymore. from what I can see, she has bloom into a great muslimah.. and Masya Allah, her beauty, has captivate me... soothe this heart and this, I cry...  realising, how great her parent obeying Allah's order..

Her innocent has soothe the beast within me, and replace it with a vision to pursue Allah satisfaction even more...

Here is what she looks like in 2010 =)

Revival of losing trust

When I look deep within myself, I see a lots of improvement to be done...

The first thing is to lose the 'magnet' between the opposite...

I may be look calm, yet only Allah know...

the laugh I had filled with emotion I hide...

Well, its ok...

Soaring High with hope as my faith will never be shaken again~~~

Its 2011!!!!!

As Salam~~~ Although it is a week late, I just want to say this - Happy New Year 2011!!!

Lame as it sound yet its the resolution that matter =)

Alhamdulilah, I did not think about 'her' anymore~~~ a good sign for me~~~ as I has lose my trust and confidence towards 'her' kind...

What does I learned from attachment?

Well, I gained lots =) from simple matters to big issue~~~

That motivate me to become what I am suppose to be...

One of the supervisor has chat with me regarding serious issue.... Environment, Education, Socialism, Psychology and etc...

It really interest me as she introduce me a chinese concept - "I don't care what type of cats being used as long as it can catch mouse"...

Simple, yet has deep meaning to me... 

Now, I apply it to my life, and it succeed!!!!

I'm much more happy for now, by not trusting 'her' kind... Still, a mystery has yet not being solved... why does every time I go to any shopping area and see a couple... a decent couple that is, my heart seem struck by unknown hurt, sadness and sorrows...

Bah!!!  Saranghanda Geojitmal.... aka Your Love is a Lies....

What type of songs I've been listening into? For this month, T-ara - Lies, Tommy Page - A Shoulder To Cry On and again a song from the past,  JYP - No Love No More...

These song... strengthen my focus and little by little... losing my confidence in things called Love...

Yet, If I fall in love again... I will ask some  question.... which involve religion~~~ Later I will post it....

Sheesh... I surely getting old...

Farewell teenagers...

Zhahahahahahahahaha

Its time! 2011!

Whoa... my Industrial Placement will soon be over... I just can't wait for my 10 day off holiday... waiting to be released from all 2010 pain and sorrow...

Times fly faster and so does my broken heart...

Talking about time, will it heal my pain? NEVER... I'm not an avenger though... Haha... Its true that I has changed drastically... I'm no longer the same Syamim that all of you might know...

In the past, I might be cheerful, active, warming and etc... but now... After that 'incident', I locked myself away from everything... I abdicate half of my time remembering Allah, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and Islamic teaching...

A test of Faith in trusting Allah is better than trusting a woman... It will never wilt, dies nor betray me... Trusting a woman has make me weak for all time... Should I lay my trust or just walk away from it?

Decision oh decision... my.. my.. Time has been cruel to me... it will never be good to me...

Yet, I able to withstand it thanks due to always keep listening to some old 1990's songs and recite Yassin...

I always carry small books that contain Suras Yassin on it... I've been keep recite the Sura's until I didn't have the energy left in my jinx body... After recite it 3 times (or more perhaps)...

I've to admit that nowadays, I can easily be teased to a point of meltdown occur... Everytime it happen, one thing came into my mind - Surau (any place where I can't be seen or look for - a complete silence)

Now, Commitment...

• Aiding Family
• Abdicate to Allah
• Stay away from woman as far as I can
• Erasing sweet memories for all years (including that 'incident')
• Tease me , I'm gone =P

Simple as that...

Now is 1.16 pm... and not having lunch yet... Things to do... Pray First, Eat Later

Can't Wait for tomorrow~~~~~~~~ 

It's been a while...

It's been a while I keep silence... its a good sign though... I'm calmed yet has develop an unexpected meltdown...

I didn't know what to do anymore..

I only give my trust only once... there is no twice or triplet and so on anymore...

So be careful... bearing the trust I give guys...

Its the most precious and the most valuable feeling that I can give and will do anything to protect it... please treasure it...

Even if it mean the cost of my life...

Enough about that... now to my activities....

It's undeniable that, week by week I getting weaker in spiritual and internally...

The list of songs I mention earlier in this blog, I have replace it with something that suit my moooood~~~

For now, there are two songs captivating my soul, and they're

1. Bila Cinta by Gio
2. Biarlah Rahsia by Siti Nurhaliza

My opinion for the first song - a story where a man fall in love with a woman... filled with lies and abandoned him at the end... leaving the man having difficulties and cause his downfall... all his dream and hopes turned into ashes.... just like what one of the sentences mention "tidak lagi bermakna"

The second, I really like the lyrics very much.... I understand that I might be hasty in querying people... yet are there any people do understand why I asking too much question? every pain I kept locked deep within my heart, every tears shed silently... 

I like the songs bridge:

Semakin Aku Hidup Dalam Cinta
Tiada Kuasa Mampu Menghalangnya
Hentikan Kata Kata
Bertulangkan Dusta

This world filled with lies, betrayal and etc... I weak for this type of surrounding...

Still I hope next year will be the most enjoyable moment for me... Insya Allah....

Lirik Sepi by Yuni Shara

Sepi hati terjadi lagi 
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi 
Biar senyum hadir di hariku 
namun ini hanya ada di bibir 
di bibir saja 

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti 
walaupun yang lain mau mengerti 
Namun berat beban hidupku 
biarkan saja 
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu 

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku 
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau 
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh 
untuk tetap ku berdiri 

ada saatnya ku bicara 
bila hatiku telah bulat 
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua 
aku tetap diam 

sejarah cinta dan hidupku 
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau 
butuh kesabaran yang penuh 
untuk tetap ku berdiri 

ada saatnya ku bicara 
bila hatiku telah bulat 
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua 
aku tetap diam

Yuni Shara - Sepi (Official Music Video)

Sepi dan kesunyian...

Jalan yang harus ku harungi...

Bersendirian...

Fahamilah seni kata yang tersirat dalam lagu ini...

A song that suit with the poet I post =)

a mixture of my poet plus this beat = a perfect combination... I can sing... the last part only =3

Its all about poet

Forgiven

Everything I hold dear,

Vanish in a matter of time

Shall I never be a lover,

Until at the end of my life.

This sorrows,

This pain,

It follows,

To my grave.

Condemned,

For the rest of my life,

This prison,

Never leave me.

Lies is a betrayal,

It’s fun for those people,

Playing a loyalist heart as mine,

It’s a veil to hide their true colour.

I’m sad,

For everything that I hold dear,

Destroyed quickly,

Without being given a warning.

Yet I forgive,

As I promised at the start,

To forgive,

No matters what.

If people do judge me,

As a villain,

Think deep and seek within,

In your heart,

The reason why.

Jazakallah...

All day of poetry is making me feel better... seriously, it unlock my hidden talent =)

Now the question – Shall I smile sincerely or just give a depression smile?

Time for mind food

Masa untuk makanan minda...

Selama ini kita sibuk mengejar keduniaan,

Adakah kita sudah bersedia untuk melangkah ke dunia yang satu lagi?

Adakah segala amalan kita mencukupi untuk pergi ke sana?

Apakah yang akan kita tinggalkan apabila kita tiada lagi wujud di dunia?

Harta?

 Rumah?

 Kekayaan?

Kebendaan?

Renung lah sementara masih lagi ada masa untuk beribadat =)

Peribahasa Melayu Lama:

Hidup bukan doa

Mati bukan sumpah

Maksudnya? Cari kamus~~~ =p

The songs that keep me sane

Here are the list of my songs, that accompany me during the attachment days:

1. What have you done - Within Temptations
2. Angels - Within Temptations
3. Pretend - Second Hand Serenade
4. Goodbye - Second Hand Serenade
5. Why - Second Hand Serenade
6. Soledad - Westlife (Piano Version)
7. Sad Romance - Various (Violin)
8. Goodbye my friend (Vocal) - Various Artist
9. Its the fear - Within Temptations
10. The truth beneath the rose - Within Temptations
11. No Love No More - JYP
12. Lies - T-Ara
13. His Name is Muhammad - Kamal Uddin
14. Subhanallah - Kamal Uddin
15. Suffering - Kamal Uddin
16. Slow sad piano - Various artist
17. Sad Piano - Various artist 

Actually there's more to come, yet.. this are the songs that has a deep impact to me... 

*Tsk* 

Let the picture describe everything

What does this picture has to say? It describe everything....

All of my emotions... all of my sadness... for being alone... with no hands to hold for....

*sigh*

A hadith I like most

Narrated by Abu Hurairah,

Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) once said ;

"Everyday, two angels descend from Jannah (Heaven) to Earth, and one of them pray, "O Allah! Please compensate every man whom spend most of his time in Your Cause".

The other angel pray, "O Allah! Destroy his/her Misery".

Come to think of it, I am so lucky to have an Al-Quran that has english translation on it... I really love my Al-Quran and it always stay next to my bed... everytime Al-Isyq (Love) disease strike me from nowhere... I... I... need some time to let it all out... with tears....

I'm not strong as I use to be... Maybe I'm getting tired of everything already....

Rascal Flatts What Hurts The Most Music Video (With Lyrics)