21 is a curse

Every 21... spell a disastrous effect on me... That day... She asked for a break up... Lots of things has occur a lot... I has try my best... to avoid contacting that connected with her... still why... the pain is there? why I destined to be tortured like this? Happiness... just a set up to hide fear... within my childish act...there lies terrible sadness I hide...

at the end lonliness always get the best of me... thus losing trust... forever trust in love...

Junior Masterchef Australia

When I'm bored during CNY, *Gong Xi Fa Cai to all my chinese friend*, I watch a channel from astro that shows that even kids can make a differ in cooking... Only one particular contestant captivate my eyes =)

Her name is Saffiyah, 12 years old girl (?). To me, honestly, I'll never treat her as a juvenile anymore. from what I can see, she has bloom into a great muslimah.. and Masya Allah, her beauty, has captivate me... soothe this heart and this, I cry...  realising, how great her parent obeying Allah's order..

Her innocent has soothe the beast within me, and replace it with a vision to pursue Allah satisfaction even more...

Here is what she looks like in 2010 =)

Revival of losing trust

When I look deep within myself, I see a lots of improvement to be done...

The first thing is to lose the 'magnet' between the opposite...

I may be look calm, yet only Allah know...

the laugh I had filled with emotion I hide...

Well, its ok...

Soaring High with hope as my faith will never be shaken again~~~

Its 2011!!!!!

As Salam~~~ Although it is a week late, I just want to say this - Happy New Year 2011!!!

Lame as it sound yet its the resolution that matter =)

Alhamdulilah, I did not think about 'her' anymore~~~ a good sign for me~~~ as I has lose my trust and confidence towards 'her' kind...

What does I learned from attachment?

Well, I gained lots =) from simple matters to big issue~~~

That motivate me to become what I am suppose to be...

One of the supervisor has chat with me regarding serious issue.... Environment, Education, Socialism, Psychology and etc...

It really interest me as she introduce me a chinese concept - "I don't care what type of cats being used as long as it can catch mouse"...

Simple, yet has deep meaning to me... 

Now, I apply it to my life, and it succeed!!!!

I'm much more happy for now, by not trusting 'her' kind... Still, a mystery has yet not being solved... why does every time I go to any shopping area and see a couple... a decent couple that is, my heart seem struck by unknown hurt, sadness and sorrows...

Bah!!!  Saranghanda Geojitmal.... aka Your Love is a Lies....

What type of songs I've been listening into? For this month, T-ara - Lies, Tommy Page - A Shoulder To Cry On and again a song from the past,  JYP - No Love No More...

These song... strengthen my focus and little by little... losing my confidence in things called Love...

Yet, If I fall in love again... I will ask some  question.... which involve religion~~~ Later I will post it....

Sheesh... I surely getting old...

Farewell teenagers...

Zhahahahahahahahaha

Its time! 2011!

Whoa... my Industrial Placement will soon be over... I just can't wait for my 10 day off holiday... waiting to be released from all 2010 pain and sorrow...

Times fly faster and so does my broken heart...

Talking about time, will it heal my pain? NEVER... I'm not an avenger though... Haha... Its true that I has changed drastically... I'm no longer the same Syamim that all of you might know...

In the past, I might be cheerful, active, warming and etc... but now... After that 'incident', I locked myself away from everything... I abdicate half of my time remembering Allah, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and Islamic teaching...

A test of Faith in trusting Allah is better than trusting a woman... It will never wilt, dies nor betray me... Trusting a woman has make me weak for all time... Should I lay my trust or just walk away from it?

Decision oh decision... my.. my.. Time has been cruel to me... it will never be good to me...

Yet, I able to withstand it thanks due to always keep listening to some old 1990's songs and recite Yassin...

I always carry small books that contain Suras Yassin on it... I've been keep recite the Sura's until I didn't have the energy left in my jinx body... After recite it 3 times (or more perhaps)...

I've to admit that nowadays, I can easily be teased to a point of meltdown occur... Everytime it happen, one thing came into my mind - Surau (any place where I can't be seen or look for - a complete silence)

Now, Commitment...

• Aiding Family
• Abdicate to Allah
• Stay away from woman as far as I can
• Erasing sweet memories for all years (including that 'incident')
• Tease me , I'm gone =P

Simple as that...

Now is 1.16 pm... and not having lunch yet... Things to do... Pray First, Eat Later

Can't Wait for tomorrow~~~~~~~~ 

It's been a while...

It's been a while I keep silence... its a good sign though... I'm calmed yet has develop an unexpected meltdown...

I didn't know what to do anymore..

I only give my trust only once... there is no twice or triplet and so on anymore...

So be careful... bearing the trust I give guys...

Its the most precious and the most valuable feeling that I can give and will do anything to protect it... please treasure it...

Even if it mean the cost of my life...

Enough about that... now to my activities....

It's undeniable that, week by week I getting weaker in spiritual and internally...

The list of songs I mention earlier in this blog, I have replace it with something that suit my moooood~~~

For now, there are two songs captivating my soul, and they're

1. Bila Cinta by Gio
2. Biarlah Rahsia by Siti Nurhaliza

My opinion for the first song - a story where a man fall in love with a woman... filled with lies and abandoned him at the end... leaving the man having difficulties and cause his downfall... all his dream and hopes turned into ashes.... just like what one of the sentences mention "tidak lagi bermakna"

The second, I really like the lyrics very much.... I understand that I might be hasty in querying people... yet are there any people do understand why I asking too much question? every pain I kept locked deep within my heart, every tears shed silently... 

I like the songs bridge:

Semakin Aku Hidup Dalam Cinta
Tiada Kuasa Mampu Menghalangnya
Hentikan Kata Kata
Bertulangkan Dusta

This world filled with lies, betrayal and etc... I weak for this type of surrounding...

Still I hope next year will be the most enjoyable moment for me... Insya Allah....

Lirik Sepi by Yuni Shara

Sepi hati terjadi lagi 
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi 
Biar senyum hadir di hariku 
namun ini hanya ada di bibir 
di bibir saja 

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti 
walaupun yang lain mau mengerti 
Namun berat beban hidupku 
biarkan saja 
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu 

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku 
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau 
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh 
untuk tetap ku berdiri 

ada saatnya ku bicara 
bila hatiku telah bulat 
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua 
aku tetap diam 

sejarah cinta dan hidupku 
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau 
butuh kesabaran yang penuh 
untuk tetap ku berdiri 

ada saatnya ku bicara 
bila hatiku telah bulat 
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua 
aku tetap diam